For some the holidays are a time when connecting with family and loved ones brings feelings of joy, excitement and community. For others it might feel isolating, anxiety producing and overwhelming. If the latter sounds like you this holiday season please know you are not alone and even though it may not feel like it, you do have some choice in the matter.
While talking with a coworker this past week about the upcoming holidays they shared that they had made a choice to not attend their family Thanksgiving gathering this year. This choice was not an easy one for them to make and I felt curious about how they moved through this decision. They mentioned that they asked themselves the following questions, and their answers to them ultimately made helped make their decision:
How do I want to feel?
What do I have capacity for?
How do I see the holiday playing out if I attend?
If you are having reservations about attending Thanksgiving this year, perhaps you should ask yourself these questions too. If how you want to feel does not align with how you are likely to feel if you attend, you may need to reconsider if attending is in your best interest.
If you’ve decided to skip the gathering this year, remember that this decision in itself can bring up painful emotions, too. Just because it may be the right decision for you does not mean it will be easy. If you have decided to not attend your family gathering this year below are a few offerings to come back to.
Connect with chosen family/loved ones: The holidays do not have to mean spending time with family if that does not feel good or safe for you. Making plans with our chosen family can be a positive alternative to lean into during this season. Connecting with a community that you feel safe with can be a powerful way to navigate the heaviness that the holidays can bring.
Self care: Prioritizing your self-care during this time of the year might feel even more challenging during the business of it all and likely is even more important. Setting aside time to do things that feel good might look like taking a warm bath, making a puzzle, or putting on a comfort movie. Giving yourself permission to tend to your needs and wants matter.
Practicing boundaries: Sometimes, saying no to others can feel challenging. Coming back to the reminder that you are not responsible for others' feelings and expectations of you once you have set a boundary that protects your peace and well-being is a practice. You are valid in making a choice that honors your needs.
Sometimes the backlash you will experience by deciding to not attend a family gathering feels worse than the uncomfortable feelings of attending. If this is you, refer back to our November newsletter (Jaime’s Corner section) for boundaries you can set that may make attending a little less stressful. You can also make sure that you have a good care plan in place for giving yourself a little more nurturance before and after the gathering.
No matter what you are experiencing during this holiday season, please know your feelings make sense and you do not need to navigate it all by yourself. We are here for you if you are seeking extra support. If you’d like to schedule an appointment with one of our providers this holiday season, please call us at (480) 815-3211 or email us at info@findyourshinetherapy.com. Therapy is available and we are here for you, even if for a short period of time.
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